How badly do you want it?

There comes a time in almost every endeavor, athletic or otherwise, where you must ask this question. The answer you give reveals much about your hidden soul. I, for example, would never give up fingers or toes to stand on an 8,000 meter peak.  I wouldn't run 20 miles on a treadmill (even if I ever wanted to do this, the gym would kick me off). On the other hand, I have shuffled past the point of recognition to finish a marathon. I've busted butt to keep up with other firefighters as we clawed our way up a burning mountain. I stayed in some relationships past their expiration date, praying for a miracle.

The reward versus effort is a tricky one. Sometimes I have floundered and slipped and slid my way to what I believe will be a great view and it isn't. I've sprinted along a race course only to discover my time is way slower than I thought. I've struggled to meet expectations and found that, like mountains, there are more and more on the horizon. There have been other times when it was totally worth it, the payoff much greater than I expected.

I am in day three of rejection. JMT rejection! Every evening one of us hovers over the fax machine, praying our application will be one of the lucky ones. And then I think, what? I'm applying to go on a hike? The craziness of this does not go unnoticed. I know I'm in a trap, the hype of something so valued and desired that people spend hours agonizing online about how to get permits. But (stamping foot) I really want to hike this trail!  A lot! Darn it!

I guess I should be glad that people are lining up to backpack 211 miles. That's awesome! I'm all for it. It would be a better world if more people put down the Cheetos and backpacked 211 miles. Just not on August 3. From Happy Isles-Merced/Sunrise pass through. Okay?

I don't want to climb Half Dome THIS badly. Ugh!