Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Home for now

After ten days away from home, my theory is this: you can get so immersed in a place that you can think it is the only place you can ever live. I never used to feel that way. I wanted to roam. I didn't understand settling in. But the road wasn't always easy, and after over ten years of it, I wanted out.

We wandered up the big canyons: Hovenweep, Sand Canyon, the ruins of Cajon. People lived here once, then had to move. It happens to everyone. Or it doesn't. Life is uncertain.

As much as I disparage road trips, they do open my eyes. I travel for work frequently, but those are quick, conference room trips, with occasional weekends to dip into the wilderness. My vacations in the past four years have all been spent hiking on long trails. It's been a long time since I drove through a town and thought: You know what? I could live here.


Hovenweep. Life centered around water and the lack of it.
 
The big Utah landscape. You can see forever, a fact you forget when you live in a place with bountiful trees.

Bighorn sheep at a deserted campground near Flaming Gorge.
 Lingering over this road trip is a heartbreaking fact: there is a very good chance we are going to be forced to move from our little mountain town. I hope against hope that this isn't true. If we do, where will we go? The choice is not up to us. I try not to think about it.
Looking off the edge of the world
We walked the ancient trails of people who were forced to move when the climate became inhospitable. There's still water in the spring at Cajon but that must not have been enough. At Hovenweep the old check dams are dry. It's a warm day until it begins to snow. It's time to go home, our home for now.

17 comments:

  1. What's going on Mary?
    I hope you don't have to leave, I have the feeling that you love it enough to want to stay and this is not something that you want to happen. I haven't even had the chance to run into you on the trails yet...... :(

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    1. It's a job downsizing thing. I don't want to post much until it happens for sure.

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  2. I'm curious as well. Such a cliffhanger, this post.

    I hope everything works out for you.

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    1. It's a cliff hanger to live right now too. Don't have much answers. But seeing how you left a place you really liked and did so well gives me hope. Sort of.

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  3. I'm sending the biggest POSITIVE thoughts I can.

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    1. Thanks. You know how much I love it here.

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  4. I hope that either you don't have to move, or that you find a place that makes you every bit as happy as your current place does!

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    1. Me too...it's the current limbo that is hard.

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  5. That would be a huge bummer if you had to leave your current home. Sounds like such a perfect place for you (and I'd always hoped to come visit one of these days....) Hope you get to stay put.

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    1. Me too, and you need to get over here to take some pictures! I'd love to see what you could produce with your skills.

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  6. That would be so sad, just when you have found a place and a community that feel like home. I know you and J and the animals would make a home whereever you go, but hoping against hope you don't have to go.

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  7. I hope you get answers soon. That uncertainty can be maddening. I also hope you don't have to move from your little mountain town--I love living vicariously through you and reliving my memories of the area.

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    1. It's the limbo that is the worst! Funny, but my younger self would be much more excited than my old one is.

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  8. Limbo just sucks. I've missed home so much since I had to leave for work 3 years ago. Being away I really notice the changes each time I come 'home'. The disrepair of my yard and grounds makes me sad, I put so much love and care into it when I lived here but the renters are elderly and housebound. I can feel the tethers fraying as I am forced to look elsewhere for a 'home' to try and find a place to settle where there is work for both of us. Perhaps even worse, the competition is fiercer than I expected and options aren't appearing.
    My mind spools off on unproductive journeys and I have to reel it back in and focus on the moment. This moment is what I Have. It's the only sane thing I know to do. Big hugs and wishes for a speedy resolution.

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    1. You of all people get it! You are right--we have at least three months knowing we will be here, so I will enjoy it while we are still here.

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  9. OMG Sand Canyon and Hovenweep- that's near where I am now. Cool that you got to explore and have a real vacation, despite all the uncertainity. Seeing all the homes and site from years past really does make you wonder about having to move, how universally human it is and has always been.

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